Victory Baby

Today I am especially exhausted...and in some pain. I think the cysts are either back or never went away completely and are just raring up again, either way--I can feel them. It's so uncomforatable to sit, and thats what I do all day..sit. I have learned somewhat how to deal throughout the day...heating pad, ibuprofen, standing from time to time...

I am at somewhat of a stand still with where our trying to conceive journey is headed. I mean, yes we are still trying. Although, my body has just decided it wont :) With not ovulating it's pretty much impossible to get pregnant..one more cycle on my own and I will then email my OBGYN regarding the fertility clinic. I think I will see the RE, have a consultation, view our options and what kind of plan they might have for us (after more testing of course) and go from there. My cousin also recommended this holistic doctor she see's. She has great testimonials, uses all natural stuff and for a consult, testing and treatment its around $300. Now, each RE appt will be about $75...and meds with an RE will be 50% out of pocket for me (not sure what each med costs...), procedures (not sure what that means) are subject to the deductible and then covered 50% after the deductible is met. I have no idea to what extent this will mean for us...treatment or cost wise...but let me tell you..it is pretty overwhelming..

I was going to post on and on about $$ and trying to conceive and an RE and all that....but...I didn't. Somehow I didn't have time to post and waited...then after some time I felt God speak to me. Through my husband, through friends who are aware of what we are going through..and through Jill McCloghry. Jill is a worship leader and has sung with Hillsong United, her testimony is that she lost her first baby, a boy, at about 24 weeks. Two years later she has birthed a beautiful baby girl and calls this new joy her "victory baby".

Victory baby.

I like that...not just a miracle was she...she was a victory. A triumph over the attempts the enemy had at stealing Jill and her husband's faith/joy/peace/confidence in Christ/belief/assurance...everything. Infertility or losing a baby--there are no words to describe the pain or struggle or just coping. The fact that Jill recognizes that this baby is not only a gift, but a victory--that's nothing short of pure wisdom. It was a sweet reminder that God has the victory..He has it for us. I read on someones FB statues that "God will never give a hunger he does not intend to satisfy." The world might, but God wont.

I ache to be a mom; to give Chris the children he has always wanted and prayed for. I yearn to carry my child, to have morning sickness and swollen feet...I would do anything for that...So we will. At God's leading, we will do anything we need to, and rest assured he will provide for us in every way...emotionally, financially, physically & mentally. Let me tell you, there is NO way Chris and I can do this without God..and I wait in the fact that there is NOTHING that is impossible for God. Do you know that Chris is completely believing that we conceive with no medical help? His faith is so sure.

We will have our victory baby. I claim it.