Today's Endocrinologist appointment...

For $30 I got to sit and hear the doctor tell me what I already knew. I don't ovulate. My cycles are irregular. I am not insulin resistant. I'm young. Not overweight. There is no cure or cause for PCOS. They don't know why I have it exactly other than my hormones are out of whack and my ovaries don't work like they should-- but again, they dont know why.

But here is something I thought she would tell me, but didnt. I thought she would start me on Metformin. She wouldn't. Metfomin is a drug that's used in diabetes care but is also used for women who have PCOS and are insulin resistant as well as non-insulin resistant. There have been improved fertility and regulation of normal cycles on Metformin. This doctor did not think I needed it however, even thought my personal care physician assured me the endo would probably start me on it.

I was looking forward to this appointment mostly because, if Metformin has been shown to possibly improve fertility and regulate cycles in some I'd love to give it a shot. And if I can get it from the Endo, which is within my normal health care coverage that's awesome...med's would only me $10/$30 a prescription. But, she wouldn't prescribe it. She just recommended eating a low-glycemic or diabetic diet and regular exercise...which I am already doing.

So now, it was recommended by my Endo and my OB/GYN to go one more cycle and if I don't ovualte or it is again irregular, I will then need to be referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist at a fertility clinic. There I can be started on med's for infertility and go from there. The only problem is..its $75 per appointment (not $30 like my regular insurance coverage) and incurance only covers half of all "procedures". I dont know if that means meds and actual procedures or just procedures like IUI & IVF...I have no idea what the med's I would need will cost and I won't know until we have an appointment.

So here is hoping May is our month...that I by some miracle ovulate...if not..it's on to the RE. I was so upset after my apointment today...I felt like I was robbed of $30 dollars out of my bank account and 30 minutes of my day. I got absolutely nothing out of it. Or so I thought..though my doctor wouldn't or couldn't do anything for me..and I cried most of the way home..as I cried I made a point to listen to worship music.

In those small moments we feel even the tiniest bit of discouragement or defeat..we have to remember: God is still God. He is still on the throne in Heaven, He is still in control and He is for us. I decided that in those moments, when I feel down and don't feel like talking or even praying just yet...I will at least worship. I have a select playlist of song's on two cd's (I titled each CD "Faith Song's" and I listen and make myself sing a long and declare all that God is and what I should do..Today was "This is our God"-Hillsong

"And I will fall at your feet/I will fall at your feet/And I will worship you here../Your Presence in me/Jesus light the way/By the power of your Word/I am restored/I am redeemed/Let your spirit make me new..."

"And I will worship you here"..for me this line doesn't mean "here" is in here in this room/place--for me it means "here" as in...where I am in my spirit, in the heart I have at that moment and in my emotions or thoughts..I may not always be in the mood or feel like praying, or worshipping the Lord..so I have to choose and say I will worship you here. Right where I am. No matter what. I will worship you here my God.

SO, on we go. We'll give it another month of trying on our own. Chris is right..it's just now what God has for us (being with the endocrinologist)..He is in control. His will be done. We will still have joy and peace in the meantime :)


-K